


Makeup

by tiedyeflag



Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, black hat and demencia bonding, black hat being clueless on human customs again, mostly onesided luv
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-07 01:03:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12222591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiedyeflag/pseuds/tiedyeflag
Summary: Black Hat may be a demon who's conquered words, destroyed planets, ran the evilest corporation in the universe...but there are some things he's clueless about. Makeup, for instance.Luckily, Demencia is there to show him.





	Makeup

Demencia ran down the hallway, heart racing and mouth drooling around the glass object she held in her mouth. Her sneakers squeaked against the hard floors of the BlackHatInc. hallways. She didn’t even stop when she reached the door to Black Hat’s office, instead barging through.

“Hah Bla’ Ha’!” she said, waving wildly.

“Demencia,” Black Hat growled. He sat at his desk, surrounded with tall stacks of papers. A feather quill rested in his hand, dripping blood red ink. “How many times do I have to tell you to  _ knock _ before it gets through your thick skull?! And what in hell’s name is in your mouth?”

She spat something hard into her hand and held it up. Drool coated it, sticking to her fingers. “Wanted to show ya’ my new nail polish!”

“Nail...polish?”

Demencia skipped closer. She leaned over Black Hat’s desk opposite of him. “Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of nail polish? It’s like paint for your nails!” She shook the bottle in her hand. Black Hat noticed inside it was a black, viscous liquid with a tall, narrow cap. “This stuff is so black, it  _ absorbs _ light! Pretty metal, huh?”

“So...this is how humans change your nail colors?”

Demencia leaned back. “Wait--you’ve  _ seriously _ never heard of nail polish?” She snickered, “What, did you think we used, like, chameleon powers or something?”

Black Hat narrowed his eyes. “I’m a diabolical villain salesman, Demencia. I don’t have time to learn every single detail about human anatomy or culture!”

“Do you wanna learn about human makeup?” She shook the bottle again with a crazy wide smile across her face. She even batted her eyelashes for extra measure.

Ugh. How nauseating, Black Hat thought. Still, he glanced at his gloves concealing his claws, grey velvet as dark as his skin, matching his claws. Then he glanced back at the bottle.

“...Wipe off your saliva on the bottle first.”

Demencia let out a whoop. She scrambled to the other side of the desk while drying the bottle against her thick green hair. Then she parked her rear on the desk and snatched Black Hat’s hand. The glove was pulled off, and Black Hat stretched his elongated fingertips with extended claws.

“Ooooh, this is gonna be so cool!” She squealed. Her fingers unscrewed the cap of the bottle, and lifted it, revealing a tiny brush attached to the bottom, drenched in black paint. With her other hand, she cradled Black Hat’s hand. The nail polish was spread across his nails in smooth, quick strokes. Black Hat blinked when he realized she was almost done with his hand. He never suspected the girl to harbor such ability to concentrate on a task with such a sure hand. She sat so still, kept her hand steady, spoke not a word…

“All done with that one!”

Black Hat flinched out of his trance. Without wasting a beat, Demencia batted his hand away and began painting the other one. Meanwhile Black Hat examined his free, painted hand. He admired the pitch black shade upon his nails, darker than his top hat, darker than the space between stars.

“Whatcha think?” asked Demencia, laying against the desk propped on her elbows.

“Not bad…” The corners of his mouth turned up ever so slightly.

“Now you just have to wait for them to dry!”

Black Hat’s face fell. “What?! How long?”

“Um…’bout ten minutes?” She shook her open palm. 

“Hmph,” He reclined in his chair. “I suppose I can spare a few minutes from my work.”

“Want me to do your toenails, too?”

“Very well,”

* * *

 

It was recording day, which meant Black Hat would be filming a new commercial for his latest evil invention with meek Flug by his side. Today, however, Black Hat was irritated with how much Flug was squinting and blinking.

“For Satan’s sake, Flug, you look like doll with broken blinking eyes!” barked Black Hat. “Either stop it or get whatever the hell is stuck in your stupid eyes out!”

“Y--yes, um, about that, sir…” whimpered Flug.

“What?”

Flug glanced at cambot, making sure he wasn’t recording, then he turned back to Black Hat. He lifted his bag and goggles enough to reveal his face.

Black Hat squawked in surprise.

Flug quickly shoved his bag and goggles back down.

“W--What on earth is wrong with your  _ eyes? _ ” asked Black Hat. “You look like a lowly racoon! Is it some… bizarre human disease?”

“N--No, sir! I can assure you I’m perfectly--er, mostly healthy.” Flug scratched his neck. “It was Dem’s idea…”

“To make you cry black tears?”

“It’s mascara, sir. It’s...like black paint for your eyelashes. And you can only get it off with  makeup remover. Which I, uh, don’t have.”

“Hmph,” Black Hat crossed his arms. “Stay here. I’ll get you the…”

“The makeup remover, sir.”

“Right! I’ll steal some from her room. Until then, you better not  _ interfere _ with my latest products or I’ll be docking your paycheck again! Understand?”

“Y--Yes, sir!”

With a snap of Black Hat’s fingers, he was gone in a puff of smoke and shadows. When he opened his eyes, he was standing in the middle of Demencia’s bathroom. He could have sworn he heard humans keeping makeup in their bathrooms. Why they kept beauty products in the same room that they discreet bodily waste was beyond him, but that didn’t matter now.

The counter was a mess of bottles and combs, all reeking of girly perfume. Black Hat swiped the counter clean with his arm, then opened the top drawer. It was even worse; it was more like a black hole for hair ties, hair dye, and--

“Hm?” Black Hat found a thin black container, the size of a pen, with the words MANGA EYE MASCARA printed in hot pink letters on it. 

He unscrewed the cap. Unlike the nail polish, this cap had a q-tip like brush attached to it. It looked like a cross between a q-tip and a comb, doused in sticky black goo. Black Hat observed it at different angles, even daring to smell it. He cringed and wrinkled his nonexistent nose.

What did Flug say it was again? Black paint for your...eyelashes?

Black Hat looked in the mirror, then at the mascara. He stuck his tongue out from the corner of his mouth, and slowly raised the brush to his eye.

“Hey, Black Hat!”

_ “Ack!!” _ Black Hat dropped the mascara, smearing the counter with black gunk. Holding his eye, he spun around to see Demencia standing in the doorway from her bedroom. “You idiot! You made me poke my eye!!”

“Sorry!” She shrugged. “But what are you doing in my bathroom? My panties are in my bedroom, silly!”

Black Hat lowered his hand, dragging down his face in the process. “That’s not...ugh, for the love of--”

She wasn’t listening, however; instead she skipped to the bathroom counter and picked up the open mascara container. Her eyes went from it to Black Hat’s eye. Then she laughed, “You could’ve just asked if you wanted to borrow my makeup!”

“Why would I want to borrow something that pokes my eye out?! I may be able to regenerate my body, but it still  _ hurts! _ ”

“It takes practice! Lemme show you!” Demencia grabbed Black Hat’s shoulders and pushed him into a stool. She rummaged through the open drawer, placed other bottles on the counter, and finally picked up the mascara, placing it in the row of makeup.

“First,” She picked up a disc full of a blue powder and a sponge. “We’re gonna use some eyeshadow. Then some eyeliner, and then some mascara! Now hold still…”

She began to rub against Black Hat’s eyelid. Black Hat weighed the options of whether to bite off Demencia’s hand or rip her lungs out of her chest for all this poking and prodding around his eyes.

After what felt like an hour later, Black Hat still sat in the stool, huffing in impatience. “I cannot believe I’m doing this…”

“Shh! Almost done!” With a flick of her wrist, the mascara graced his eyelashes, painlessly and gracefully. For a moment she stared at her handiwork with gleaming eyes, then she smiled, and shoved a hand mirror into Black Hat’s face. “Whatchca think?”

He blinked a few times to adjust to the feeling of paint all over his eyes, but then his gaze focused on his reflection. Sleek black eyeliner accentuated his right eye, and a silver eyeshadow glistened upon his eyelid. He blinked slowly, transfixed. His eye looked... _ marvelous _ . An approving grin spread across his face.

“I do admit it brings out my eye.” Black Hat said. “Very good work, Demencia.”

“I knew you’d like it!” She cheered. Then she jumped into Black Hat’s arms, embracing his shoulders. Black Hat cringed, but decided to merely roll his eyes as she nuzzled his neck.

Suddenly she froze at the sound of a buzzing coming from her pocket. She backed off, then fished her green iPhone out of her pocket. Black Hat leaned over so he could see the screen as well.

_ Dem where r u? I need to get this gunk off my face it sucks _

_ i’ve tried a wet towel 3 times and it wont come off!! Help plz!!! _

“Uh oh,” Dementia chuckled. “Guess Flugbug didn’t like my makeover.”

* * *

 

Glass, gaudy bottles were piled high against the shelves as far as the eye could see. Or at least as far as Black Hat could see within the department store. He was currently being dragged through a human mall by Dementia. She insisted some fresh air and some shopping is good for any villain, demon or human. As much as the sight of the ugliest latest fashions nauseated Black Hat’s refined taste, he supposed it made for an interesting change of pace. Better than being holed up in his mansion doing papers all day. They could wait.

He felt a tug at the sleeve of his black jean jacket. “Blackie, look, look at this one!” She jabbed a finger at a perfume bottle--no, a cologne bottle in the shape of a muscular, masculine torso. “It kinda reminds me of you~”

“Pah! As if I’d ever wear such cheap perfume!”

Demencia huffed, placing her hands on her hips. “Have you even smelled it?”

“No, but judging by the gaudy--”

_ Spitz, spitz!  _ went the perfume bottle as Demencia sprayed it onto a strip of paper. “Here, try it!” She shoved it into his face, missing his nose, and instead shoving it into his mouth.

_ “Pahpth!  _ Blech! Ack!”

“Sorry, Blackie,” She chuckled, tugging at her bangs. “So, uh, what did you think of the cologne?”

“Disgusting,”

Dementia laughed again. Then she picked up the paper and gave it a sniff. Her face scrunched up. “On second thought, I’m not that crazy about this one. Either that or you need a mint.”

“It’s the prior, obviously,” insisted Black Hat. “Even if it was my breath, it’s nothing compared to the breath of you humans.”

“Whatever. Now give me one to try!”

“Try what?”

“Duh! One of the perfumes!” She spun around with open arms, gesturing to the entire store. “Whatever you want!”

“Whatever I want…?” Black Hat’s eyes narrowed as a malicious grin appeared on his face. He bared his teeth, green fangs glistening under the harsh lumion lights and drool trickling past his lips. He hardly noticed Dementia swooning beneath his nose.

“Oh, Blackie, I love it when you look like that~”

Black Hat scanned the many bottles, then paused. “Dementia, close your eyes.”

“Eeeee! Okay!!”

Then she waited. She heard the ambiance of shoppers milling about and Black Hat’s dark, delicious chuckle.

“Alright, are you ready?” said Black Hat.

“Ye--hmph!?”

Dementia was cut off at something shoved into her mouth by sharp claws. She uncovered her eyes to see Black Hat chortling and pointing at her.

“Aha ha ha HA! Take that, foolish girl!”

Her tongue prodded at the mystery object; it was thin and papery, tasting fruity. She let it sit atop her tongue a moment longer before her teeth chewed it up and she swallowed.

Black Hat stared at her, agape. “W--What?!”

“It wasn’t that bad. Coulda used some sugar, though.” She said flatly while folding her arms around the back of her head.

Black Hat snarled at himself, tightening his fists. He grabbed another perfume bottle and yelled, “Then eat this!”  _ Spitz, spitz! _

“Ew, not ‘Sensational Gardens’! That stuff really stinks!” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a cologne bottle in the shape of an ice cube. She grinned.

“Right back at ya’, Blackie!”  _ Spitz, spitz! _

“Gack! This one’s even worse! You’ll pay for that!”  _ Spitz!! _

_ Spitz, spitz!! _

_ Spitz, spitz, SPIZ!!! _

“Alright, you two!” A voice boomed. 

The villains stopped, hands still in the air with new perfume ammunition. A short, stout lady with pointy glasses bigger than her face glared at them with her hands on her bony hips. “If you two can’t act like decent adults and respect the merchandise then I’ll--!”

Black Hat scoffed, “Respect? Please, these hardly qualify as ‘perfume’. They’re more like overpriced bottles of water.”

“That either stink or smell nice!” Demencia piped in.

“I don’t care! Now scram, you bums!”

Demencia and Black Hat gasped, fury sparking in their eyes.

“You...dare...to...call...us... _ bums?!” _ snarled Black Hat.

“Can I smack her with my mace?” asked Demencia, already rummaging furiously through her purse. 

“You may.”

“YES!!”

* * *

 

505 crept through the dark, dark hallways of the manor. His ears picked up the sound of a grandfather clock striking midnight. Heavy rain pelted the windows, blocking out even more light. Even 505’s animal eyes struggled to see this dark, stormy night. Yet he braved it, plucked up the courage to make his way to the kitchen for a glass of water.

His eyes honed in on a strip of light under a door. Someone was up at this hour? Maybe someone couldn’t sleep! Why, then he should help them! And maybe they could escort him to the kitchen! 

505’s ears perked up. He waddled to the door and knocked on it with his large paws. Then he heard shuffling and voices from behind. He saw shadows under the door and then the knob turned.

The door opened, and 505’s heart stopped.

Two ghostly apparitions stood side by side, dressed in pale white robes matching their sickly green complexion. Their eyes were wider than any human’s, and the hair on their heads stood on end.

505 spun on his hind legs and galloped down the hall as fast as his paws could carry him, whimpering the entire way.

“Eh?” Demencia removed one of the cucumber slices over her eyes. “I think that was 505!”

Meanwhile, Black Hat cackled, hugging his aching stomach. He laughed so hard the towel on his head nearly fell off.

“Oh well,” She tossed the cucumber into her mouth and turned around. “Back to our spa night!”

“Indeed!” said Black Hat as he marched back. He sat back onto the bed and set his feet back into one of the two pots of hot water. His elongated, inhuman feet barely fit, especially when he stretched his toes, nails scratching against the edges. Meanwhile he used his serpentine tongue to reach for the cucumber slices on his eyes, and slid them into his mouth. Chewing, he observed Demencia sit next to him, kicking her feet in her pot of water.

“We should invite Flug to do this next time!” Demencia leaned against Black Hat’s shoulder.

For once, he does not mind. “Next time we should use blood in our face masks. And put actual eyeballs over our eyes!”

“Ooh, I like that!”

* * *

 

Black Hat was strolling down the hallway as menacing yet gracefully as one could be. He marched down the halls when he caught a glimpse of something interesting in the kitchen. At the dining table was Flug, sleeping with his head lolled back over the chair. While he snored away, Demencia was doodling all over his paper bag with what appeared to be a large red crayon. She smirked as she concentrated on drawing a pair of cat ears.

Demencia snickered, “Ohmygod Flug’s gonna kill me, pfft!”

“Then may I join in on the fun?” asked Black Hat, suddenly right next to her.

“Sure!” She handed him the crayon. “Ooh, you should write some swear words!”

However, he didn’t go straight for covering Flug’s bag with graffiti. Instead he inspected the crayon; it came in a container and when he screwed the bottom, the crayon got longer. And it smelled of strawberries.

“You wanna try on my lipstick?” Demencia asked.

“Lipstick? I thought this was a giant crayon.”

She burst out laughing. “Well, sorta. It’s kinda like a crayon for your lips.” Her eyes lit up. “Here, lemme show you!” 

Demencia snatched it back, pursed her lips, and rubbed the tip against them. A vivid red hue smeared across her lips, and she repeated the action several times until her lips looked as red as the blood of heroes.

Capping the lipstick, she said, “Whatcha think?”

“You look like a clown,” Black Hat cringed.

“Do you wanna try it on?” She waved the lipstick under his nose.

“No, I’d much rather deface Flug’s bag with it.”

To Black Hat’s surprise, she crept closer, battering her eyelashes. “Please~? It’ll only take a second.”

“Dem--”

“Pleeeeease?”

“No--”

“Oh, just pucker up for two seconds ‘cause here I come!”

Black Hat parted his lips to retort, but he found Demencia’s red, flesh lips smashed against his. He could taste the lipstick, sickly sweet, and smell her breath, laced with watermelon bubblegum. She held his cheeks with her hands, palms pressed into his cool, narrow cheeks. And then--oh, god--her wriggly, slimy tongue slid past his lips and prodded against his shark teeth.

With a grunt, Black Hat shoved her off him, but she refused to relent her grip. She went in for another kiss, where his nose should have been, and the process repeated until his face was covered in bright red lip stains.

“ENOUGH!!” Black Hat roared. The force sent Demencia flying backwards into the wall. While she fell to the floor, Black Hat vanished out of the room.

* * *

 

An hour later, Black Hat was still cleaning the lipstick off his face. He had gone through a dozen wet washcloths and gallons of hot water, but the marks still stained his once perfect, dark skin. 

He muttered a curse as he rubbed a cloth against his monocle to a polish. When it was satisfactory, he returned it to his eye. Just as he lowered his hand, his fingertips brushed against his lips. A majority of the lipstick was gone from there, but the memory was still fresh in his mind...

“Eugh!” He cringed. “Disgusting! I will never understand how humans think.”

**Author's Note:**

> Paperhat is still my otp, but I felt like doing some Lizardhat!


End file.
